I’m 35 and just found out I’m gifted.

Both a blessing and a course, realizing I’m a HA/G person explained why I always felt like an ugly duck.

So, recently, I discovered I’m a high-ability/ gifted person.

That’s right, according to neuropsychology, I’ve outstanding levels of aptitude in specific domains.

This might sound fancy or even exciting, but to me, it was a confusing surprise. How can I be that smart if I felt like an ugly duck my whole life?

During school, I used to be a mediocre and rebellious student. I often got low grades and hated going to class. I just couldn’t see the point of learning things in small packs, like they have nothing to do with each other. I wanted to understand how they were related and why.

Looking back, I believe I made my teacher’s life a living hell. I remember once, during a biology class, we were learning about body tissues, and I asked the teacher how cells transported substances from one tissue to another. What happens chemically if I moisturize my body with a lotion? How does the body absorb and distribute this substance through the cells to the deepest layers of my skin?

The teacher looked at me with an embarrassed smile. He wasn’t prepared for this kind of question and turned away, making me feel inconvenienced and ashamed of my reasoning.

Ok, so this happened years ago, but until today I find myself in the same situation. Whenever someone feels embarrassed, overwhelmed, or even threatened by my curiosity, I tend to believe something is wrong with me. I should ask fewer questions, be less curious and settle for the superficial; otherwise, people will misjudge me.

But my curiosity and passion for learning is a part of me I don’t want to change or hide. Whenever I’m interested in a topic, I enjoy deep diving. I want to absorb as many as knowledge as possible, not because I want to impress people, but because it gives me genuine pleasure.

Besides, it increases my repertoire, which feeds another aspect of gifted people: creativity above average.

I believe creativity has nothing to do with having crazy random ideas. On the opposite: it requires mastering the rules, so you can break them to create something new. It’s about observing the world and understanding how things work. The more diverse your references are, the better.

Even when the final idea seam to come out of the blue, there is nothing random here. It all began with deep studying and comprehension, even though it happened years before. At least, this is how it works for me.

Back to what it feels like for a gifted person, sometimes people might think I’m stubborn or too passionate about my point of view, “defensive,” as they used to say.

The truth is I’m always looking forward to other’s people opinions, but this doesn’t mean I’ll take it for granted. I’ll seek the “hows” and “whys,” not because I want to tease or insult you but because I’m naturally skeptical. I need the facts, I’m compelled to them; otherwise, I’m not convinced.

Once I got my diagnosis, I realized why group activities are so demanding. Please, don’t take it personally, but if the pace is too slow, or if people are going back and forward over and over again, I quickly get bored. My avid mind needs to be challenged, and that’s the reason why I prefer working by myself most of the time.

I know this might sound arrogant, and I’m also aware I should be more patient, slow down, and try dancing to other rhythms rather than mine. Even so, this is quite difficult since I have boundless energy most of the time and am constantly seen as hyperactive.

Once, a former manager told me she was unsure what kind of project I was supposed to work on. I asked her to keep challenging me, yet everything seemed “too easy.”

This leads me to another topic: productivity. I don’t believe things are always a piece of cake to me. Since I enjoy learning widely, quickly, and intensely, I tackle tasks goal-directed, efficiently, and well-organized. On the outside, people may think I mastered a problem in a blink, but on the inside, it might cost me a lot of gray matter.

I wanted to share my new discovery with the world, hoping to reach people facing the same situation. I wasn’t prepared for this, and I can’t stop thinking about how my life would be if I had known this earlier. Giftedness can be a blessing and a curse, depending on the environment and the support you get.

My over-excitability and urge to create are often misunderstood as sassiness. Now, I’ve to parent and teach myself to redirect this energy to achieve my full potential to stand out in a good way.

Currently, I’ve been working on it during therapy. I’m also learning how to improve my communication and slow living. Actually, my brain, as energetic and chaotic as it might be, it also appreciates rest. Just because my mind works fast doesn’t mean I am a machine.

And the most important thing: I’m surrounding myself with people who are just like me or have other neurodivergence, like TDAH or autism. It’s impressive how deep our conversations can be and how being close to them makes me feel at home.